


Begin Again

by profound-boning (farawaystardust)



Series: Dean Winchester Loves Taylor Swift [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accountant Castiel (Supernatural), Alternate Universe - No supernatural, Baby Emma, Divorce, First Date, Fluff, Inspired by Music, M/M, Meet-Cute, Misunderstandings, Past Lydia (Supernatural: Slice Girls)/Dean Winchester, Professor Dean Winchester, Single Parent Dean, Songfic, Texting, Wrong number, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 12:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10571637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farawaystardust/pseuds/profound-boning
Summary: “Why Professor Winchester,” Krissy mocks. “You’ve got someone special on the line and you’re ignoring them for us?”“Zip it, Chambers.” He points a finger at her. “Y’all are great, but notthatgood. We clear on that?”“Sure,” she teases. “As long as they know they’re coming in second to Billy Pilgrim right now.”“Everyonecomes in second to Billy Pilgrim. Hashtag life hack.” Dean retorts.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [DeanCas TropeFest Mid-Winter 5k AU Challenge](http://deancastropefest.tumblr.com/). I am so grateful to the mods muse and Jojo as well as my amazing betas Janet, Nat, and Alison!
> 
> The prompt for this is actually the very first text exchange between Dean and Cas, which is a real life "wrong number" scenario I found online. I couldn't resist. 
> 
> rated T for cursing

**> > To: (785) 555-1882 >>          4:12 pm  
When you get home and get baby settled call me to do spots. Thanks.**

**< < From: (785) 555-1882 <<          4:13 pm  
I thought you had the baby?**

Dean feels cold terror grip his chest. What the fuck does Sam think he’s getting at? He quickly responds:

**> > To: (785) 555-1882 >>          4:13 pm  
???**

His previous focus on grading is totally forgotten. Dean frantically dials. The phone rings and rings and just when he was about to give up—

“What the hell man?” Dean spits into the receiver. “You know I had my late class today, Wednesdays you gotta get Em. The—”

“I, um, I’ll stop you right there,” says a voice on the other end of the phone that sounds nothing like his younger brother’s. “I am so sorry if—. Well, sorry to have caused you so much stress. You, ah, did not deserve that.”

“Oh man.” Dean wipes his hand down his face, letting out a sigh of relief. “I’ll say this, you got me good. I shoulda realized this was the wrong number. And—. Oh, I kinda went off on you there. I’m sorry about that.”

“No, no,” the voice assures him. “No need to apologize. Certainly an infant’s whereabouts are of great concern. But when I saw the message I was in a particularly humorous mood, I suppose.”

Dean chuckles, the guy sounds like a character in one of the novels he helps ninety eighteen-year-old brats read every semester.

“Yeah, this one in particular is some precious cargo.” He glances at the framed photo of himself holding his little girl that rests on his desk.

“Congratulations to you,” the voice says with nothing but sincerity. “You called them ‘Em,’ I believe?”

Dean huffs another laugh. “Yeah, Emma,” he replies. “Light of my life, smelly poop machine of my house.”

This complete stranger Dean yelled at over the phone just laughs. “And how old is she?”

“Just over nine months now, nearly ten. She’s getting so big.” He’s not really sure why he feels the need to share all of this with a stranger, but it’s nice to be distracted from grading. Plus the relief of knowing that Emma is indeed safe makes him feel much lighter.

“Well, I do not wish to keep you.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, um…”

And the other man must pick up on Dean’s pause, because he says, “Castiel. But call me Cas.”

“Cas.” Finally, a name to put with the lovely voice. “I’m Dean. Winchester. I teach up at KU.”

“Ah, we’re in the same city, then. I’m currently at the Lawrence public library.”

“Talk about a small world.” Dean smiles.

“Indeed,” Cas agrees. A short silence settles between them, which Dean will later deny was actually quite comfortable. “I should let you get back to your work. Again, I am truly sorry for—”

“Nah, Cas, it’s fine. We’re good.” Dean hesitates. “You, uh, take care, okay? Have a good one.”

“Yes, you as well, Dean. Goodbye.”

“Bye.” Dean hangs up and steadfastly ignores any sense of sadness at the click.

:     :     :     :     :

**< < From: (785) 555-1882 <<          9:00 am  
I do hope you and Emma had a good evening. Assuming that you got her back from whoever was supposed to get her, of course.**

Dean cracks a grin at the unexpected message. He quickly saves Cas’s number and types up a response.

**> > To: Cas >>          9:02 am  
Yeah I mean he is my younger brother so it IS still possible for me to beat him up. Maybe.**

**< < From: Cas <<          9:04 am  
Ah, I knew there was something fishy about you. Older brothers are so needlessly cruel, after all.**

**> > To: Cas >>          9:06 am  
…You’re the baby of the family aren’t you.**

**< < From: Cas <<          9:09 am  
Sadly, even my twin is older than me. 6 ½ minutes has never been a more significant time gap, I assure you.**

**> > To: Cas >>          9:19 am  
Every minute you’re older, wiser, and more mature than your younger brother is a minute to cherish. You wouldn’t understand.**

**< < From: Cas <<          9:22 am  
Clearly. I wonder if my other twin brothers feel the same. Also, I should like to meet your younger brother and express my condolences.**

**> > To: Cas >>          9:23 am  
You’ve got two sets of twins in your family???**

**> > To: Cas >>          9:24 am  
Oh and you and Sammy would get along I’m sure, but now that I know your motives it’s never gonna happen.**

**< < From: Cas <<          9:27 am  
Yes, having twins runs in families. Between both of my extended families there are ten sets of twins.**

**> > To: Cas >>          9:28 am  
Holy shit.**

**< < From: Cas <<          9:30 am  
Indeed. Sam is a good name; that’s actually the name of the younger of the older set of twins.**

**> > To: Cas >>          9:31 am  
I’m gonna have to reread that and make sense of it after this class. Duty calls, shaping young minds and all that. ttyl**

Dean smiles to himself when he hears his phone buzz on the desk. It was a nice surprise to get that text this morning at all, and he’s happy that they maintained a lively conversation. He’d told Sam all about the mix up when he’d picked Emma up from Riot Fitness Center. Sam and Amelia love getting their niece on Wednesdays, and their regular customers love her, too. Dean’s not too good with social media beyond Facebook (and even that is a bit of a struggle) but apparently, the gym has an Instagram page and they post cute pictures of her antics to gain interest. Dean agreed to let them post the photos and honestly they’ve gotten some really sweet ones, plus he’s not opposed to helping his brother and sister-in-law get some more business. Em is damn cute and they all know it.

Krissy Chambers has, over the last four years, become one of his favorite students. She’s the one who will help anyone who asks and, in the same class period, wipe the floor with some kid who read the SparkNotes analysis and is defending their argument poorly.

Which is why he only rolls his eyes when she calls him out for the buzzing phone.

“Why Professor Winchester,” she mocks. “You’ve got someone special on the line and you’re ignoring them for us?”

“Zip it, Chambers.” He points a finger at her. “Y’all are great, but not _that_ good. We clear on that?”

“Sure,” Krissy teases. “As long as they know they’re coming in second to Billy Pilgrim right now.”

“ _Everyone_ comes in second to Billy Pilgrim. Hashtag life hack.” Dean retorts.

Krissy isn’t the only one who lets out an exasperated groan at his joke. Apparently, there’s a #DadJokesByWinchester Twitter hashtag that’s pretty widely used among KU students, having been updated from the original #BadJokesByWinchester when he announced that Lydia was expecting.

Were they _planning_ to have a baby? No, but Dean had made no secret of the fact that he wanted a family. But two short years of marriage had proved to be nothing like what Lydia wanted and adding a child to the picture was even worse. So not two months after Emma came into the world, Lydia walked out. Dean was shocked to lose his wife; he had never anticipated being a single father. He still gets sad, even angry, to think of Emma growing up without her mom as a result. But by the end, he knew that it would be better for all of them.

When it gets painful to remember the past and stressful to think of the future, Dean focuses on Emma. He has to make peace with the heartbreak and concentrate on raising his little girl, on spending time with Sam and Amelia and his parents John and Mary, and his work at the university.

It’s challenging and it can be exhausting, but Dean loves his apple pie life. Dad jokes included.

:     :     :     :     :

After that first real conversation, everything just flows.

Dean and Cas text constantly. Quick 'good mornings' and complaints about work and photos of Emma sleeping in her little bouncy swing.

Amelia wants to know when they’ll actually get to meet Cas, but Dean brushes her off every time. It’s like not they’re _together_ and Cas needs to 'meet the family,' he’s just a friend. A buddy. They text. Besides, not two months ago Sam was bugging Dean daily to go out, meet new people, and spend time with other adults, considering all of his time is spent with students or his infant daughter, or at Sam and Amelia’s little bungalow.

The truth is, Dean wants to meet Cas himself first.

They haven’t even sent each other selfies nor have they spoken on the phone since that initial call. But Dean does know what Cas’s studio apartment looks like (how a man can survive with only a _kitchenette_ Dean has no idea, but Cas insists that all he needs is a fridge and microwave, which… yuck) and Cas has seen the state of his bookshelf in his little office.

So everything that grows between them comes in the form of little bubbles of text on their cell phones.

They discover that Cas and Sam are actually the same age, just four years younger than Dean. Dean learns that Cas is an accountant, which Cas avoids discussing like the Scottish play. He also learns that Cas’s twin brother Jimmy and his wife have a one-year-old, so Cas is actually quite familiar with babies and all that comes with raising a little one. They have similar tastes in music and in breakfast food, but not in movies (how Cas has never seen “Lord of the Rings” is an ongoing mystery).

But Dean still hesitates every time he wants to suggest that Cas come over and join him for a movie marathon, or to get burgers, or anything remotely like real life interaction.

**< < From: Cas <<          6:00 pm  
So, in the end, it was all Amelia’s fault regardless.**

Dean really needs to quit texting Cas while he’s working, it’s too distracting.

**> > To: Cas >>          6:02 pm  
Wait did I miss something? How do you know Amelia?**

**< < From: Cas <<          6:03 pm  
How do I know my twin’s soulmate and wife of eight years? Rather well, I’d imagine.**

He stares blankly at the text before finally disconnecting “Amelia” from “my sister-in-law” and realizing there is certainly more than one Amelia in Kansas.

**> > To: Cas >>          6:05 pm  
My brother is also married to an Amelia, threw me for a loop there**

**< < From: Cas <<          6:06 pm  
Oh, yes, I do see how that would be confusing. :)**

**> > To: Cas >>          6:07 pm  
And they’re Claire’s parents, yes?**

**< < From: Cas <<          6:08 pm**  
**That is accurate.**  
**[Picture attached]**

Dean opens the photo to see a smiling blonde girl snuggled up to a dashing dark-haired man in front of what looks like a church. Holy shit. Is this Cas? What—?

**< < From: Cas <<          6:08 pm  
That’s from earlier this week. Jimmy brought her to his youth group again.**

Oh, right. Jimmy’s the guy in charge of youth ministry at their church. Apparently a family who names their children Hannah, Gabriel, Samandriel, Michael, James, and Castiel is very religious. Dean wonders for a moment whether or not Jimmy and Cas are _identical_ twins before responding:

**> > To: Cas >>          6:09 pm  
They look happy :)**

**< < From: Cas <<          6:12 pm  
They certainly are. They’re curious about you, you know.**

Dean sweats a bit typing his response, aiming for a totally chill and laidback vibe.

**> > To: Cas >>          6:14 pm  
Mine too haha. Who made it illegal for two adult men to be friends anyhow?**

He distracts himself with checking on Emma, who is quietly playing on her little tummy rug a few feet away. Cas is his friend, and he is happy to be friends. Then he flips through the essays he should be working more diligently on which are lying on his coffee table. Only then does he check his unread text messages. From his _friend,_ Castiel.

**< < From: Cas <<          6:16 pm  
I’m not sure who did that. I’m also not sure who said it is better to wait and let the other person make the first move but I don’t really like them much, either.**

**< < From: Cas <<          6:17 pm  
Go out to dinner with me, Dean? We can go somewhere informal with burgers and pool tables if you’d like.**

Dean drops his phone back on the table in alarm. Did that really just happen? He looks at the messages again. Shit. _Shit._ Cas just asked him out.

**> > To: Cas >>          6:21 pm  
I’m flattered Cas really. Do you think that’s a good idea though?**

He worries his bottom lip, staring at the little screen until it goes dark.

**< < From: Cas <<          6:23 pm  
I fail to see why not. We are of similar age and disposition and we’ve been texting for several weeks.**

Before Dean can formulate a response, another message from Cas comes through.

**< < From: Cas <<          6:24 pm  
Of course you are not obligated to accept my invitation simply because we have been texting each other. You are free to make your own choice about what it is you want.**

Well that’s the kicker then, isn’t it? Dean thought he knew exactly what he wanted when he met Lydia. She was charming and adventurous, beautiful and strong-willed. Their passion had been very real, though in the end it was short-lived. When it came down to it, the Lydia he had met and fallen in love with was not the same Lydia at the end of their relationship. They had grown to desire different things, different lives. Dean was more than happy to spend his life in Lawrence, to have dinner with his parents, to teach. Lydia sought sparkling oceans, fine art, and other things she couldn’t find in Lawrence.

In Dean.

And it hurt still to think that his love hadn’t been enough for her, but he had resolved to never begrudge her the chance to pursue her own happiness.

She had willingly carried their child and bestowed upon Dean an unimaginable amount of happiness. He could never be angry with Lydia for giving him such a gift, even as he’d helped her pack her bags for a new continent at the end of that summer. It was devastating to leave their marriage and to take on a new role as a single father, but that became Dean’s reality, and he had had to adjust to it. To put Emma’s needs before his own, balancing them with his desires.

Attempting to put a name to what he wants now is exhausting. Does he need another relationship? Another marriage? Not necessarily, but he wouldn’t be opposed to it. Does he want one with Castiel? Dean embraced his bisexuality long ago. Cas is obviously educated, kind, and funny. Maybe having a boyfriend like Cas would be awesome.

Maybe it would go down in flames, though. Maybe Cas would grow to resent Dean just like Lydia did in the end.

Emma coos from her spot on the floor. She looks at Dean with her big eyes and flashes her teeny tiny teeth in a smile. Damn does he love that little girl. He wakes up every day (sometimes really, really early in the day) in order to provide and care for his daughter. But he still needs to take care of himself, too.

He takes a deep breath.

**> > To: Cas >>          6:29 pm  
You’re right though Cas. I think we could have a great time. But I’ll have to make sure my special lady doesn’t find out I’m having dinner with someone else (someone who doesn’t need to use a high chair!)**

**< < From: Cas <<          6:31 pm  
I do NOT want to anger the little miss. You give me a date and time and I’ll make it work.**

Dean’s heart flutters in his chest at the reminder of how kind and considerate Cas really is. If he’s not careful, he could fall head over heels for this guy.

**> > To: Cas >>          6:32 pm  
That’s real nice of you Cas. Thank you. :) I’ll talk to you later then.**

**< < From: Cas <<          6:34 pm  
Okay. Have a good night. :)**

Whew. Alright. Difficult part over.

:     :     :     :     :

Just kidding. Asking Sam and Amelia to babysit is almost (almost) worse.

Dean set the date for a Wednesday so they would already have Emma with them, for the sake of convenience. Dean would just be coming to pick her up later than usual.

“As I live and breathe,” Amelia teases on a sunny Saturday afternoon, wiggling Emma’s little legs into the air from where she’s laying in her lap. “Dean Winchester. Is going. On a date.”

“Please stop,” Dean pleads half-heartedly. Lord knows he’s teased these two enough to deserve some payback. And really, Amelia’s teasing is better than Sam’s puppy-dog look while he congratulates Dean over and over like he’s just been elected President.

“Seriously, Dean, I’m so happy for you,” he’s _still_ gushing. They’re all lounging in Sam and Amelia’s living room, plushy brown couch and ratty blue armchairs and a big screen television in the corner.

“And if I tell you it’s not really like a real date, that’s still not going to get you to shut up, is it?”

“But it _is_ like a really real date isn’t it? Isn’t it?” Amelia coos at Emma, who just smiles and waves her little fists.

Dean groans. He looks to Sam for assistance but only sees the gooey, lovestruck stare he’s bestowing on Amelia while she entertains their niece.

It’s later while they’re washing the dishes that Sam recalls what he’d said.

“Why is it ‘not really like a real date’?”

Dean chews his lip while he loads the dishwasher.

“Well, I want it to be casual. Not anything stressful.” He sees Sam nodding out of the corner of his eye. “No expectations. Like. I’m not looking for something long-term, y’know.”

“Dean, we’re not moving away in two weeks.” Sam reminds him gently; Dean stares intently at the plate he’s rinsing. “I know how hard it was when we were young, but it’s not like that anymore.”

“I know Sammy. Don’t want to get my hopes up though.”

There’s nothing to say after that. Though Sam’s hug does last a bit longer when they say goodbye in the evening.

:     :     :     :     :

Dean considers it an auspicious sign that he's able to find parking for his Baby right outside of the cafe Cas had picked for their date.

He'd dropped his laptop and paperwork off at home and changed his shirt. His nicest jeans and a clean button down, sleeves rolled up, are fine for a first date, right? Especially since it's at a coffee shop? It's been a long time since he's gone on any date at all let alone a “first” one; he's got every right to be nervous about it.

Upon entering the cozy establishment, Dean notices the mismatched plate ware, the group of couches in one corner, colorful artwork on every wall, and a handsome man waving at him.

Dean feels his heart stutter in his chest at the realization that it's Cas who stood up to greet him. Damn, Cas has a nice smile. He walks forward stiffly, remembering about halfway there to paste on a smile of his own.

“Hiya, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean.” Cas holds out the plushy seat next to his own and gestures to it. Dean can hardly believe his eyes, did Cas just pull out his chair for him?

“Uh, thank you.” Cas is wearing some nice-looking pants and a white button down. His top two buttons are open and Dean has to work hard not to stare at the divot at the base of his throat.

“Of course. I ordered a tea for myself when I arrived. I wasn't sure what you'd like since it's now evening. I imagine you don't really want the caffeine now.”

“Nah you're right, it would make me fidgety and give me some bad poops.”

_Oh my fuck Dean Winchester did you just tell your hot best friend slash guy-you're-maybe-seeing that coffee in the evening makes you poop what the hell is wrong with you?_

Cas hides a smile behind one hand but can't disguise his chuckle. “Maybe you'd like some tea, then?”

Yes, please, anything to occupy Dean’s hands and brain to keep him from blurting out even more stupid things. Not trusting himself to speak, Dean takes the large mug between his palms for a sip. Most of which apparently misses his mouth but miraculously ends up back on the table rather than either of their laps.

“Shit!” Dean exclaims, reaching for a napkin, but Cas beats him to it and even hands Dean one for his chin.

“It's quite all right.” Cas chuckles. “I'm sorry about the hole in your lip, though.”

And honest to God it takes a full thirty seconds for Dean to catch on to the joke. Embarrassingly, he stares at Cas for that entire time trying to unravel why on Earth he would have a hole in his—oh! At which point he giggles like a child complete with _snorting._

Oh yeah. This date is going amazingly.

When a member of the wait staff walks by, Cas waves to them and asks for another mug.

Dean, realization dawning, grimaces. “I just drank your tea, didn’t I.”

Cas graces him with another beautiful smile. “Yes, but I assure you it’s fine. I ordered a whole pot because I really do love this tea.” A new mug appears at his elbow and Cas thanks the waiter who delivered it. He pours tea from the pot off to one side and adds a sugar packet, stirring carefully. Dean watches, mesmerized by Cas’s hands of all things. They’re beautiful, tan and broad, but his fingers are delicate, nails clean-looking, and—

“Dean?”

Caught staring instead of listening, Dean ducks his head and laughs self-deprecatingly. “Sorry, sorry,” he mumbles. He moves his flatware around on the table anxiously. “Been a long time since I’ve—. Y’know. Dated.”

“Yes.” Cas just smiles at him, his calm confidence like a balm on Dean’s frayed nerves. “It’s all right, Dean. Can I ask you how long you’ve been single?”

“Lydia left nine months ago, papers were finalized about six weeks after that.” He’s been very upfront with Cas about the fact that he’s a single father, but they haven’t really gone into detail about it. The hurt is still fresh, and Cas respects his boundaries.

“That is… a much shorter amount of time than I would have guessed.” Cas’s hand not holding his mug twitches. “I’m sorry.”

“No need,” Dean brushes off his apology but feels warm at the gesture. “It truly is for the best. Sometimes love isn’t enough.”

He is spared having to follow up that revelation by the arrival of their waiter and placing their orders for food. Cas says this place serves a mean omelette, so Dean agrees to order one too (but with tons of bacon on his, please) and they laugh over two adults having breakfast food for dinner.

It’s so easy to talk to Cas. Dean had worried endlessly about how it would be to try and have those same easy conversations in person that they'd been having over text. It turns out he didn’t need to worry so much; first date or not, Cas is still one of his closest friends.

Dean’s got plenty of stories about his students to share, but Cas has so far been pretty tight-lipped about his own work.

“You’re the head accountant working for the mafia that’s still out there in Chicago. Or New York. Wait! You’re ‘The Accountant’ like that movie where Ben whats-his-face is an accountant and an assassin. Are you an assassin?”

“No, Dean!” Cas throws his head back when he laughs this hard and it’s beautiful to watch. He’s beautiful to look at, fluffy dark hair and stubble on his cheeks and laugh lines in the tan skin of his face. Turns out he and Jimmy are identical, but the photo couldn’t do justice to those blue eyes. "The pastor’s son, an assassin. That sounds like a terrible idea for a movie plot.” Cas wipes at his eyes.

“Then you gotta give me _some_ details, Cas. Do you have an office? Is it in a cave, or underneath the city in a state of the art surveillance facility?” Dean loves to make Cas laugh like this.

“It’s a very normal, regular, and boring office. Boring and square and _modern,_ I suppose.” Cas gestures vaguely with his hands, nose crinkled.

Dean frowns. “You… don’t like your job? I feel like you’ve told me you enjoy your work.”

Cas honest to God fidgets in his seat. “I do enjoy my work. I’m good with numbers, and it can be very rewarding to help someone who—who needs me.”

Nodding, Dean replies, “I get that; helping people feels awesome.” Looking at Cas, he gets the feeling there’s something else just under the surface he’s not saying. “C’mon man, what is it?”

“I—. It’s just—.” Cas runs a hand through his hair and Dean bites down on the urge to do the same. “Telling people I’m an accountant is like an instant conversation killer, and sometimes more.” He sighs. “No one cares about my work because it’s boring, and many people assume I am boring as well, so they simply… distance themselves from me.”

“What a bunch of fuckin’ bullshit,” Dean says evenly but he feels real anger coiling inside him. Cas is _awesome_ and those people are idiots not to see it. “It’s their loss Cas, honestly. That’s so stupid that they’d just up and stop being your friend because of your _job._ I’m sorry, Cas.”

“It’s—. Thank you, Dean.” Cas is smiling shyly at him and that makes up for anything.

“Cas, whatever makes you happy is awesome. Plenty of people think being an English teacher is super boring. I get lots of ‘oh I hated English class when I was in school!’ and I’m always like, ‘good for you?’”

Cas chuckles into his mug. “Yes that does seem like a strange response. ‘I’m a mechanic.’ ‘Really? I hate cars!’ ‘Good thing you’re not the one repairing them?’”

Dean laughs. “Do you think anyone’s ever said that to your dad? He tells them he’s a pastor and they go, ‘oh I hate religion.’ Can you imagine?”

“Oh, people have said things of that nature to Jimmy over the years,” Cas informs him with a smile. “Or they’ll say ‘I hate kids’ which in truth is likely the worse of the two. Jimmy likes to respond with a good old-fashioned ‘may the Lord be with you’ or ‘I’ll pray for you.’”

Dean roars with laughter and has to take deep breaths to calm down again. But then he and Cas make eye contact and they both dissolve into giggles. They have to make an effort to stop making the other laugh, and that feels awesome.

“Thank you, Dean, I mean that sincerely. You are just as funny and kind in person as you are over text.”

He blushes bright red at the compliment. “You, um, you too, Cas. M’glad we did this.”

“As am I,” Cas says with a soft smile. Dean could spend all day looking at that smile. “I am glad that _you_ don’t seem to think I’m boring.”

“Nowhere near boring enough to make me stop being friends with you.” Cas just looks confused, and Dean cringes, knowing he’s got to open up a little bit to explain. “It’s just… boring is _good_ for me right now. My parents were in the Marines so we lived all over the place. I went to five different middle schools if you can believe that. For a while there I was practically raising my baby brother. There’s a lot of things I’m grateful for, but it wasn’t always great. Really hard to make friendships and have relationships. And then the whole thing with Lydia.” He fiddles with the empty mug in his hands. “I’m pretty shy. Not soft-spoken necessarily, but definitely not a social butterfly. Get nervous around new people and—and new relationships.”

He looks up to see Cas’s eyes soft with understanding. “It sounds like you've had to give up a lot, made a lot of sacrifices,” Cas says.

“Yeah, I really did,” Dean agrees. “At the time it was just doing what I had to or what Mom and Dad needed me to do. But, looking back, I know I missed out on some things by growing up too fast. After all that, I kinda _want_ boring.”

“I don’t blame you.” Dean thinks he should feel more anxious about having this conversation with someone he hasn’t known for very long, but really he thinks he knows Cas better than he knows just about anyone else.

“I, uh, I don’t really talk about that with other people much,” Dean admits.

“Thank you for having such trust in me, Dean. That truly… it means a lot.”

Dean feels nothing but joy at the expression on Cas’s face, at the realization that they’ve been sitting in this cafe for nearly two hours, at the understanding that this relationship is going to be _different._ He can tell, deep in his bones, that Cas is going to be someone very important to him for years to come. And while he’s just spent the past several months mourning a loss and trying to guard his heart, perhaps he’s ready to let those walls come down. When it seemed like true love was a fantasy, and daydreams like that are meant to fall apart, someone burst into his life and utterly destroyed those expectations.

So Dean reaches for Cas’s hands and holds them across a tiny wooden table, and allows _love_ to well up inside him without fear. What’s past is past, and now, love begins again.

**Author's Note:**

> [on tumblr](http://profound-boning.tumblr.com/post/159459805489/)


End file.
